I’m going nowhere….?

First, I cannot stop listening to the Blakes – Little Whispers EP. Fantabulous. In a sunny, shake your booty ’cause it is spring, indie rockin’ kinda thing…(this is why I do not write reviews…) Let me give it a better try: like the Strokes, the Killers, et al. Uhm. But better. IMO.

Second, Ripple – The Church. Zipping through my head this morning in the shower as I scrubbed and generally contemplated the Eyebrow Appointment I have at 11. If you had eyebrows such as mine you would have an appointment too. (”Another little glitch in continuity – Like you were a ripple in my memory”)

Ripple – the best metaphor/analogy that I have seen for this death/grief/flip on my axis….

A stone skipping across a pond…ripples, dense, then not so dense, but always there…

And death; simply sleep, until it is time to wake again. That doesn’t sound so terrible.

So yeah, those things, along with planning a long weekend in Seattle, trying to get my freebies out today, and still casting on *numerous* objects to wear over this Betsey Johnson dress he bought me. Last night I even contemplated crochet. This morning? Can I sew something? Sigh. By tomorrow I’ll just be grabbing something online and begging for priority shipment…

(the pressure, the pressure….I still miss you….)

No, I still haven’t seen Spinal Tap. And I am *totally* okay with that. But I can remember a silly quote when it is tossed at me while standing at a replica of Stonehenge (Ooo the metaphor!). And thus, Stonehenge (one of the biggest henges in the world!).

And now that I have referenced entirely too much…last night. Sleep. Bad times. I don’t think I really slept, although I had wretched dreams. I kept seeing the clock and the time clicked along…1:18, 2:31, 3:15, blah!

So if I slept so fitfully, why the heck so many dreams? Dreams of running on stilts (and quite competently, up stairs even!). Dreams of hiding the phone. Dreams of calling people. Dreams of talking to people. Dreams of mediums. Dreams that seemed as though they were a continuation of the day, making me look at my phone this morning to see – Did I *really* call that person? Phew. And so on. And so forth. And every time I awoke, I felt a nauseating terror – afraid of the bogeyman and the dark.

And as I teeter on the edge of acceptance, I am flooded with fear – a fear of driving to Seattle next weekend, a fear of driving to LaGrande the weekend after, a fear that I, too, might pass suddenly. An irrational fear that he will reach up, grab me by the ankles and pull me under.

Uhm, yeah.

But Breezy – he has taken to sleeping on the pillow next to me. And I made Hayley take a picture because it simply is the Sweetest Thing Ever.

Happy Easter

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away I lived in Seattle. I worked as an office gopher for a couple of companies before landing an enhanced gopher position at an Internet Security Technology Company (who shall remain nameless) in Pioneer Square in Seattle. I couldn’t have imagined a better job. I mean, I LOVED TO GO TO WORK! I could wear jeans and fluevogs and my leopard coat and skirts and funky shoes and it WAS ALL GOOD because we know, smart people are like, quirky like that. And all they cared about was your smarts. Great company. Fabulous company. Amazing benefits. Great work. Great people. Interesting people. Quirky people. Smart People. AND smack in the middle of Pioneer Square. Color me dreaming….

Of course it didn’t hurt that I was walking everywhere, wearing an almost size 6, and feeling pretty darn sassy.

So! About this time I started dabbling in web design and *stuff*. I joined a group called Webgrrls – a mailing list and then quickly joined a related mailing list that shall remain nameless because we are top secret like that….

Webgrrls went somewhere and I didn’t go along for the ride. I moved to Yakima a few years later, months later? But I was always on this Super Secret Mailing List. And they would talk about things and I would mention to my friends, “My list said” and they were always “WHAT LIST?”. And really – there was no way to explain it. Just a collective group of people, mostly Seattle who talk, listen and care. It is the finest example of community I have ever experienced.

The List has helped each other out of bad situations by quickly rallying funds and support, they are all talk – fabulous, thoughtful, funny, quirky, creative, warm, occasionally sharp and combative, talk….

Yesterday I received two lovely skeins of yarn from Blue Moon Fiber Arts. Do check them out, because the yarn? It’s like TOTALLY YUMMY. To know that such a surprise would make me feel warm and fuzzy all the way down to my toes – well, that’s pretty damn cool.

And who sent it? I can’t call her out publicly, I mean, she’s on THE LIST for pete’s sake and that would open a HUGE can of worms. But I can say thank you. Thank you very much